so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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