there's paper in my vomit.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
