You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
