I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
