She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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