So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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