I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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