eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
