do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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