just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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