Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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