my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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