yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
