I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize