Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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