youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
