Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
