It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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