i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Found your dick twin last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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