Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
