The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
