yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize