Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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