My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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