Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
