I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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