just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
