This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
