everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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