It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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