did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
