Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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