And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
