this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
