I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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