somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
