I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
