i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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