i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
