Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
