its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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