The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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