I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
