He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
