so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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