I've blown a few things in my day
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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