I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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