Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
