haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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