Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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