There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
