Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
