Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
