There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
