I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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