why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
