This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
