I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
