Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
