Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
