No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
