Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
