You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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