Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
