There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
