An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
