Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
