You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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