I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
