Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
