Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
