I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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