Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
