I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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