Who did Billy Mays play for?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
