I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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