i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
