Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
