What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
